Christmas

So this is the Blair Cawley's family Christmas party. Wish we could invite you all but I will be stuffing people into every available corner! With the spouses and grandchildren we count 22, including Tim. Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! I would promise to post pictures after Christmas but if you knew how long it took me to get this done you wouldn't even ask. But I might just surprise you.

Never a Dull Moment

I sit here at my computer this morning as Cadi snores on the couch and Noah slumbers in his bed. It is 9:00 o'clock and I should get them up but I am savoring a few more minutes of quiet. Blair got himself up and off to work at 6am. I rolled out at 6:20am to get Nathan up and out the door by 7am with all his baseball gear for a game this afternoon after school. Cynthia is busy getting ready for work now and Tim is taking care of the chickens--part of his morning routine. Pretty dull, huh?

I couldn't help but laugh last night. The kids were in the living room watching "Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Sequel". Cynthia and Josh were at the kitchen table eating hamburgers they had cooked. I was on my bed reading a book and listening to the Red Sox game. Cadi had taken her three doses of medication for the night, albeit a little later than scheduled (I'm not the most focused of psych nurses). The routine here is for her to sleep on the couch. Somehow by the time the movie was over and the kids were getting ready for bed, Josh (Cynthia's fiance) had moved to the couch and was peacefully sleeping away (he works nights and didn't have to leave for work until 10 pm). So I told Cadi to go down to Noah's room and get in the extra bed and if she couldn't get to sleep she could come up after Josh left.
Sure enough, at 10 o'clock, she comes slowly up the stairs with her blankets and Nina (the stuffed monkey) and heads for the couch.

And here's where I get to tell you about the best Grampie in all the world. He sits in his recliner and watches a movie (turned down low of course) and waits for Cadi to fall asleep on the couch. Of course it's hard to tell who falls asleep first, but I won't tell! Last night I think she (and he?!) dozed off fairly quickly.

I eagerly await what the day has for us all. The sun is shining even though the temperature is still a little cool for a May morning (42 degrees at 6:30am but up to 49 degrees now). A little schoolwork, a little housework, a little laundry. Meals to prepare, baseball games to attend, wedding invitations to stuff and mail. They are all gifts to me from the One who loves me. How blessed I am that the career God allowed me to have fills me with such joy. No, wait. It's not the career; although I am happy as a stay-at-home mom, homeschool teacher, grandmother, care-giver, wife, wedding planner, baseball mom, etc. It's the presence of the Father who loves me and fills me with joy as I serve Him in this place where He has put me. Some days are difficult and it's hard to feEl the joy but one thing is for sure...THERE IS NEVER A DULL MOMENT AROUND HERE!

Are you coming over today? Just give me a call and we'll squeeze you in!

Beautiful Acadia Day

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Make a Smilebox greeting

To Walk and Talk Like a Christian

I seem to be struggling lately with the concept of what a Christian life is like. Not with salvation but with what comes after. I just read a book by Jerry Jenkins called "Though None Go With Me". Let me tell you that if you read that book thinking about becoming a stronger Christian I don't think you'd have any motivation to do so. It was depressing and portrayed the Christian life as one full of suffering, struggling, duty, lonliness, fatlisim, and hardly any joy. It's listed as inspiration reading and left me thinking once again that not many understand the Christian life.
Why are so many sermons about what I should be doing as a Christian? What am I doing for Christ? How "good" is my life? How surrendered am I to Christ? I, I, I....

Since I accepted Jesus as my Savior as a young girl I have been in a relationship with him. At times I have pushed him aside because I wanted to live my life without him. Other times I have struggled with him, maybe like Jacob beside the river, demanding to know his name. There have been times of joy, of sadness, of quietness, of tragedy. He has been part of it all, because I am His and He is mine. I didn't have to read my Bible everyday but I do need to desire to be conformed to the image of Christ.

Isn't it more about hearing his voice and knowing what he wants me to be doing today? More about loving my son when he is irritating me instead of yelling at him in an angry voice? More about joining God in his work than having him put his stamp of approval on mine?
What did Jesus teach his disciples while he lived with them for three years? I believe He tried to teach them the difference between religion (that's what the Jews practiced) and a relationship with God. He exemplified for them how to walk in the kingdom of God instead of worrying about any earthly kingdom.

Maybe I'm not being too clear, but I'm tired of a Christian life where I have to work hard and make sure I measure up. I'm tired of one verse being taken out of context to become a "life verse". I'm tired of playing "church". Maybe I'm just plain tired.

There is one thing I still love and that is God's Word. I get excited teaching it to junior highers (even when I'm not sure I can put up with them for another minute!). I love to memorize it and let it sink into my soul. I like to read books written by people who seem to understand God's Word in its entirety and have a good grasp of what a life looks like that is pleasing to God. Jerry Jenkins, forgive me. I'm just not sure I can swallow your brand of Christianity.

My Granbaby

My newest granbaby had a heaven-birth. Just when spring had finally come to Maine, just when I finally felt like I was getting over my cold, just when I felt like celebrating. Kathryn has written her response on her blog, Pocketful of Hope. You may want to go there and listen to the song by Natalie Grant. If you click on the title of this post (My Granbaby) it will take directly to Kathryn's post.

I listened to the song and let the tears roll down my cheek. I turned it up loud and let the music fill me. This is my grandchild. I am so glad that he (he or she, but I'm stuck on boys right now) was welcomed even in his short stay here. His coming was heralded with stripes of teal and orange and brown, with a blog all his own, with many hearts full of hope.

I hate death. It is the last enemy to be destroyed, and someday it will be, but not yet. And so we live with death. Endings and partings that cause us so much sorrow. All it took from my daughter was a call on my cell phone as I was driving to Newport this morning. She asked if I could stop by on my way home. And then I knew. I knew he was gone. I knew that this hope was not be.

I cried and thought about God giving a life and God taking a life. I thought about the times that God has given life to me and then taken that life away. I remembered the grief and tears and pain. Then I remembered that each time He has also given me something else. I have no idea what He might give to my daughter. His ways and thoughts are not mine and He will choose something that I wouldn't. All I know is that He is not the kind of God who just takes. He is not ruthless and uncaring. His love is so deep that it transcends the pain. But we must wait on Him.

The love may come as you listen to a song. It may surprise you as you drive over a hill and see a sunrise. It may overwhelm you some moment when you least expect it. And in between there will be lots of moments of pain, tears, longing, and sadness. But so be it. His life deserved no less.