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Saturday, March 22, 2008

All the things I never say to my daughter...

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I never tell you that my heart is breaking and the tears are welling up in my eyes as I read your blog. Why do I find it so hard to show my emotions? Why do I hesitate to hug you and cry with you when Acadia is having a really bad day? Why do I find it easier to do things?
I am so proud of the mom you have become. For how you have loved Acadia with all your heart, advocated for her through all your research and psychiatric appointments, and struggled with her over everything from taking her meds to brushing her teeth.

I am thankful now for every moment of disagreement we had as you grew up. It made me seek God for wisdom to let you be who you were created to be. It forced me to try to see the world through a different viewpoint (yours!). You were born with a fiercely independent spirit, a gifting of creativity, and a longing for adventure. As I struggled to understand you as my first-born daughter and you struggled to find your path in life, we both were being prepared for the days ahead.

You set your sights on tribal missions in Papua New Guinea. Today finds you living on a back road in Maine struggling with the day to day issues that plague a bipolar child. Yet before Acadia was born God gave you the skills you would need. Homeschooling taught you how to teach yourself and how to use the public library. Bible school taught you how to manage on little and learn whatever new skill was needed, even if it was butchering a cow! And all along the way you learned to listen to the Spirit's voice and trust God's leading.

Now I want to be your biggest supporter. I want to shout to the world, "Look at what my daughter is accomplishing!" People used to urge you to record music. Some suggested you would make a good lawyer. Your talents could take you in many directions that would win you the acclaim of the world. But you and I both know that this child God has put in your arms is more valuable than gold or recognition. So instead of shouting to the world, I pause in my day to whisper another prayer for the safety of my granddaughter and strength for my daughter to guide her through another day.

P.S. The springy cupcake is just for you! Calorie free!!!